(D)I'll tell you a story 'bout a burglar man who went to rob a (A)house
He creeped in at the window just as quietly as a (D)mouse
Thinkin' of the money that he would get, as under the bed he (A)lay
He certainly saw a sight that night that made his hair turn (D)gray

About nice o'clock an old maid came in, "I'm so tired" she said
Thinkin' everything would be alright, she forgot to look under the bed
She pulled out her teeth, and her big glass eye, and her hair came from off'n her head
That burglar man had nineteen fits as he crawled from under the bed

She drew a pistol from out of the drawer, and to this burglar man said
"Young man if you don't marry me, I'll blow off the top of your head"
We'll he looked at her teeth and her big glass eye, and he had no place to scoot
So he turned to the old maid standin' by, and said "Woman, for the Lord's sake shoot"

Now the burglar man is dead I know, but I don't know where he's gone
Up above, or down below, I'm now thru singin' this song